Vegan Upside-Down Pear Gingerbread Cake
This very festive recipe is adapted from Jeanne Lemlin's Vegetarian Classics (which I'm pretty sure I scored off the free book shelf when I worked at HarperCollins circa 2002). The pear/caramel topping is a wonderful and (relatively) unexpected way to serve gingerbread. I'm posting it now to go with my Vegan Thanksgiving 2022 video on the No Bones at All playlist!
The topping:
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted vegan butter
1/2 cup firmly packed light or dark brown sugar
2 ripe but firm pears (Lemlin prefers Bosc or Anjou but Bartlett is fine too)
The cake:
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 vegan egg replacer (over the years I have tried Ener-G, Vegan Egg, and Bob's; all are fine, but in my experience Bob's results in the fluffiest cake)
1/2 cup firmly packed light or dark brown sugar
1/3 cup unsulfured molasses
1/2 cup plant milk soured with one tablespoon vinegar or lemon juice
4 tablespoons melted vegan butter
Preheat the oven to 350º. Grease the sides of a 9-inch round cake pan. To prepare the topping, melt the butter in a small saucepan, adding the brown sugar and stirring until blended. Scrape into the cake pan and spread evenly.
Peel, core, and quarter the pears and cut each quarter into thinner slices, arranging evenly around the pan.
Combine the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, and cloves in a large bowl. In a separate bowl mix the vegan egg replacer (prepared according to package instructions), brown sugar, molasses, soured plant milk, and melted butter. Scrape into the flour mixture and mix until well blended.
Pour the batter over the pears. Bake for 30 minutes, or until a knife inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes, then invert onto a plate. Serve slightly warm or at room temperature. Non-dairy whipped cream optional!
Although this cake is best served the day it is made, Lemlin writes, it will still be delicious if made one day in advance, covered, and kept at room temperature. (I can vouch that it's almost as good even a few days later!)
My Patchwork Writing Process
I've been writing novels for more than twenty years now—CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?—but there is always more to learn about the craft, and more to observe of one's natural inclinations. This is how and why I do what I do. Here are some ways I might fine-tune a particular step in my process—for greater "efficiency," yes, but also for greater enjoyment.
As I listened to the audio modules inside my dear friend Heather Demetrios's new on-demand course, You Have a Process, it occurred to me that while I've spent plenty of time charting out my idea-generation process—on YouTube and inside The Bright Idea Kit—I haven't reflected too much on the actual drafting, which is far and away the most intimidating part from most aspiring writers' point of view. If you'd asked about my first-drafting style before going through You Have a Process, this is what I'd've told you:
I bring piles of handwritten notes to the Scrivener document. I don't write in chronological order. Usually I'll write fifty pages or so and then I'll outline the entire book. At the end of a writing session, I try to have a kernel of a scene to start with the next day—something I'm excited to dictate into Scrivener as I'm watching it play out in my head. Maybe eighty percent of the time I slip into flow within minutes, the other 20% being tooth-pulling days, but I don't get down on myself. Doing yoga, going for a walk, taking a shower, cooking dinner, or working on an easy knitting or sewing project helps with a mild case of creative constipation (because I don't experience "block," per se—not anymore). Whatever isn't quite coming together, the solution generally slides in at an oblique angle (i.e., it has nothing to do with whatever is in front of me, but it shows up because mentally I've cleared the space for it.)
This is all true, but it's not as specific (and therefore as helpful for other writers) as it could be.
From the beginning I understood that many (if not a majority of) writers draft their stories in chronological order, and it didn't seem like a problem that I never felt inclined to write that way. In my initial drafting phase, I sit down to write whichever scenes I feel like. I'm only 30% of the way through my first draft of the time-travel novel, but I've already written a pivotal conversation that happens in the last chapter. At some point as I was listening to my friend's warm and reassuring voice coming out of my bedside speaker, I had the most delicious little a-ha moment:
I draft a novel in much the same way I cut and assemble a piece of patchwork!
It's been a long time since I've blogged about my crafting—I have a baby-quilt show-and-tell post from 2019 still languishing in my drafts—though I have shared more on Instagram in this video on creative cross-pollination and this one on "avocational ambition." (Those are YouTube links, in case you don't have an Instagram account.)
Baby quilt for my cousin Jenni, 2019.
The most basic definition of patchwork is cutting large pieces of fabric (usually quilting cotton) into smaller—sometimes very small—pieces, rearranging and then stitching them into a visually pleasing design. Sometimes it's traditional and perfectly geometric and other times (as in "crazy" or crumb quilting) you're making it up as you go. It's not a perfect analogy, but for me it's an illuminating one: because in both disciplines I generate purposeful fragments—discrete moments of connection or observation or insight, without thinking too much about context or finishing—and after months of working in this fashion, I can arrange those many pieces into a sensible order and add the necessary "sashing" so that each scene continues "seamlessly" (har, har) into the next.
My first curved piecing (2018).
Slowly coming together...
Arranging and adding the sashing.
To mix our metaphors here, what I'm calling "sashing" is what many writing teachers would refer to as "connective tissue." In a particular chapter, I might have 60% of scene A, only a half-finished dialogue from scene B, and a scene C that is more or less complete. Because I have my outline by this stage—my self-drafted pattern, in needlework parlance—I mostly know what more is needed in scene A, how to get the characters to the point that they are having the conversation in scene B, and how to segue into scene C. There are still question marks here and there, particularly where the science (or "science") is concerned, or more historical research is required, but as I proceed from here I have every confidence that I will eventually gather the information I need to fill those lacunae.
In essence, I compose my first draft in two stages: there is the initial draft-whatever-I-please, cutting-up-calico-into-itty-bitty-pieces phase, and then there is the arrangement and assembly/filling-in phase. Both are enjoyable, but the second phase is more consistently so because I already have a large bank of material to work with. It's easier to compose a line that sings—a sentence I can feel proud of—if it's closing out a scene I half-drafted three months earlier.
Amazing, isn't it, how long it's taken me to notice just how process-oriented and low-pressure my natural method of drafting truly is! (And of course now I'm thinking about how I can demonstrate using actual writing samples—that'll eventually be a video inside the Bright Idea Kit. I'll include photos from my crumb-quilting, which is an even tidier analogy!)
[EDIT, November 2023: my Teachable courses are no longer available (I gotta cough up to keep them live, and I don’t have the bandwidth for marketing right now), but I will make it available inside my Resource Library; subscribe to email updates to snag the password.]
Hot water bottle cover for my friend Joelle.
Fridays at Mealey's: Recipe Roundup!
Hard to believe it's already been more than a year since I got to Washington, DC—a COVID-prompted move that has allowed me almost-daily quality time with my sister and her family. 🥰 Elliot helped me unload the U-Haul on a Tuesday morning, I invited everybody over for dinner that Friday, and they've been coming every Friday night ever since. I've used many excellent new-to-me recipes over the past year, and will (of course) be updating this post periodically.
My New Favorite Cookbook
Every single dish I have made out of Sweet Potato Soulby Jenné Claiborne is out-of-this-world delicious:
Coconut collard salad (page 74)
Quick-pickled onions (page 75)
Tender mess o' collards (page 103) — definitely double this
Happy hearts "crab" cakes (page 129) — Elliot's favorite; I whip up a dressing with vegan mayo, Dijon mustard, and fresh dill
Pan-fried butter beans & greens (page 118)
Lentil loaf (page 138) — I have tried so. MANY. Lentil and nut loaf recipes over the years, and this is one of the best
Ooooh Mama mushroom gravy (page 205) — I sometimes add a small tin of tomato paste for the sake of variety
More Main Courses
French Onion Skillet Lasagna (Vegan Richa) — I "reconstructed" this lasagna by tripling the white sauce and adding layers of roasted butternut squash. Kate's all-time favorite!
Chickpea Seitan Cutlet (Isa Chandra) — served with the mushroom gravy recipe from Sweet Potato Soul
Seitan Gyros (Lettuce Veg Out) — I used this recipe before I found Isa Chandra's chickpea cutlets, and I prefer the latter, but this recipe is good if you prefer baking to frying. I serve it with BBQ sauce from Trader Joe's.
Vegan Pot Pie with Herby Biscuits (Shanika Graham-White via Food52)
Lentil Shepherd's Pie (Rainbow Plant Life)
Penne alla vodka (Miyoko Schinner, The Homemade Vegan Pantry, page 148) — uses homemade cashew cream
A dinner plate with plant-based macaroni and cheese, collard greens, barbecue seitan, and biscuits.
Mealey's Old Reliables (ICYMI)
Tater-Tot Casserole (Vegan Stoner)
Quiche (using my vegan onion pie recipe, but mixing up the filling; Kate's favorite combination is sundried tomato, onion, artichoke, kalamata olive, and Daiya cheddar)
Scottish-inspired handpies (sign up for the mailing list to get the recipe link in your welcome email; lately I've been using the quiche pastry for these handpies—two quiche crusts = enough pastry for four handpies)
Side Dishes
Best-ever roasted potatoes (Serious Eats) — quite time- and labor-intensive, and TOTALLY worth it!
Best Damn Vegan Biscuits (Minimalist Baker)
No-Fuss Vegan Cornbread (Gena Hamshaw for Food52) — I sprinkle canned or frozen corn on top of the batter
Lemon Vinaigrette (Minimalist Baker) — I always double this and use the second half in the next salad I make, often one with massaged kale.
Macaroni and cheese — I don't use a recipe. The essential ingredients are raw cashews, broth, steamed or roasted butternut squash, lemon juice, miso, a boatload of nutritional yeast, and other seasonings to suit your preference, sauce-ified in a high-speed blender.
Air-fried French fries — highly recommend getting yourself an air fryer if you love fries and or/fried tofu enough to make them at homeon a regular basis.
Desserts
Cranberry upside-down cake (so easy and absolutely scrummy)
Oatmeal raisin cookies (Colleen Patrick-Goudreau, The Joy of Vegan Baking, page 120 in the original edition)
Chocolate peanut-butter buttons (Vicki Brett-Gach, The Main Street Vegan Academy Cookbook, page 212) — best eaten straight from the oven!
No-bake cookie dough bars (Rainbow Plant Life)
DIY sorbet — frozen berries or mango with fresh mint and a bit of plant milk and maple syrup in the frozen dessert setting on the Vitamix.
Camille's Rules of Engagement (or, The Right Way to Ask)
(EDIT, October 2023: I am not accepting any invitations or requests right now because my novel in progress is eating up all my professional bandwidth! When circumstances change, I will update my contact page.)
I often think about how I can be a more useful member of the writing and publishing community. As in many industries, it can be very difficult to "get your foot in the door," and back when I was an aspiring novelist, it seemed to me that established authors could help us newbies a whole lot more than they (seemingly) did. After all, they must've had their share of teachers, mentors, and other benefactors guiding and supporting them back in the day, right?
Well, sure. But if you ask for "a leg up" and don't get a response, that doesn't mean the author in question isn't already helping a lot of other aspiring writers. It's not a matter of gatekeeping or snubbery, but of establishing healthy boundaries. Let's use these tweets as an example:
From my point of view, this person was being incredibly cheeky. It was obvious he hadn't read any of my work, nor had he taken just a few seconds to find my email address on my website. He hadn't even bothered to click the "follow" button. As I joked to my friend (and fellow author) Shveta, this dude was acting like an energetic shoplifter. Naturally, he disappeared as soon as I tweeted a link to my video on finding critique partners—diplomatically asking him to, y'know, do the work.
Many folks have contacted me over the years looking for advice, and sometimes I don't even get a one-line thank-you for my thoughtful response to their writing and publishing questions. Lots of aspiring writers don't read much, don't self reflect, and don't seem to understand the concept of reciprocity and energetic exchange. They just want easy answers. (If you have a creeping suspicion you've acted like one of these writers in the past, read How Do You Know You're Not a "No-Talent Ass Clown"? It will probably make you feel better.)
On the other hand, my friend Steve asked, "Is this writing/publishing etiquette universally acknowledged? Or is it culturally specific? Maybe you should lay out some clear guidelines for anyone who wants to contact you." So here is that post, which I will link to on my contact page. If you think you're worthy of my time and attention, then you must read this post before contacting me (and if it's obvious you haven't read it, then I will not reply).
Clear guidelines for you, and healthy boundaries for me. Everybody wins!
Can I interview you?
If you're emailing about the Bones and All film adaptation: feel free to reach out with an interview request, but please watch the book-to-film playlist first and let me know that you have taken the time to do so. This way we'll have time to go deeper!
Otherwise, I enjoy corresponding with book bloggers and very much appreciate their enthusiasm and support...BUT you have to show me you've actually read the book you're asking about and have done even a small bit of research. If you ask questions in your initial email that make it clear you have not spent even a few minutes browsing my website—for instance, "Why would a vegan write a novel about cannibals?" when I link to an explanatory blog poston the Bones & All book page—I am not going to say yes to a Q&A that requires more time and energy than you yourself have put in. It also frustrates me when bloggers ask for free books and don't follow through with the interview questions, because that seems dishonest (alas, it has happened more than once).
Also, a quick note on social-media etiquette: please DO NOT tag authors in your posts if your review is negative (or even lukewarm). This is callous behavior and at best it comes across as attention seeking. Please treat us like real people with real feelings, okay? 🥺
Can you donate a signed book for my auction fundraiser?
There are lots of worthy causes out there, and if I said yes to each of these requests I'd have no author copies left. So here's a policy that feels good to me (but is subject to change): if you are fundraising for a humanitarian or animal-rights organization, I will most likely say yes.
Can you come visit my class/school/library?
I'd be happy to (via Zoom, at least!), but please iron out the honorarium and other practical details before you send your invitation. This is my livelihood, so I need to be compensated for my time, energy, and experience.
Can I ask you for writing/publishing advice?
Drop your question in the Comet Party Wish Jar. This way I can make a video that will (hopefully) benefit everyone who watches it. If you send me a DM or email I will only refer you to this form, so please save us both some time. [Though I am on social-media/video-production hiatus as of November 2021 in order to finish drafting my new novel, your question will be waiting for me when I come back!]
Also note that I'm much more interested in talking about craft, ego management, and process-oriented creativity than about querying tips, book marketing, and all of that. You can find that sort of content elsewhere. So come to me with the questions your heart is asking (as opposed to your ego). To be clear: if you come to me looking for product-oriented, how-do-I-get-a-book-deal type of advice, I am not going to answer you.
Will you read my work?
This question is one of the prime frustrations of every author's professional life, and I will explain why the answer is virtually always no. Reading and critiquing manuscripts takes an extraordinary amount of time and energy, which is why it's only reasonable to expect them from the following folks:
your professor (who is paid to teach you and review your work)
your workshop classmates (their critique of your manuscript is part of their coursework, and vice versa)
a freelance editor or writing coach (whom you have hired for this purpose)
a critique partner or beta reader (with whom you enter into a reciprocal arrangement)
I know this list must seem frustratingly out of reach to a new writer who hasn't found a community yet and may not have the funds to enroll in a writing workshop, so dive into my round-up of free creative writing 101 resources, reach out to potential critique partners on social media, stay on the lookout for free or low-cost workshops and communities (like my dear friend Heather's Well Writers), and invest in your education as soon as you are able to do so. If you admire my work, are hoping for mentorship, and are willing to put in the time and effort, read How to Work With Me (if You Can't Afford to Work With Me) for a clear step-by-step progression. Please explore the many resources I offer for free (there are even more inside my resource library for email subscribers; opt in here for link and password) before emailing to ask for more of my time and energy.
But I'm willing to pay you to read my work!
I appreciate that, but I'm too busy writing my own novel right now. Thank you for understanding.
I feel REALLY discouraged and I know you can help. Please can we email?
I feel you, I really do. But I have noticed a pattern of frustrated writers bypassing the work I've offered publicly and expecting or at least hoping for more of my time and attention in private, for free—and that's not fair to me. So please read upon the concept of emotional labor (as the term is currently used) before exploring the work I've already done—Life Without Envy, A Bright Clean Mind, the Life Without Envy web workshop, my private-writing workshop (watch the introduction here, part one is free with email opt-in), my office-hours video series)—you're bound to feel heartened again long before you've finished!
Also remember that if funds are tight, you can always ask for my books at your local library.
Can we collaborate?
In my experience, collaborations arise organically out of rich creative friendships. So unless we already know each other well and feel passionate admiration for one another's work, the answer is no.
But you and I are already friends, and I need your help with...
If you are truly my friend, then you will not take offense if I have to say no (even to a "small," "quick" favor) because it's what's best for my mental health.
I have a book coming out. Can I ask you for a blurb?
I'll be happy to read your manuscript (if it's science fiction/fantasy, gothic/horror, historical, and/or literary fiction—middle grade, young adult, or adult; or on the nonfiction side: creativity, personal growth, travelogue, or anything related to ethical veganism) and provide an endorsement if I love it (provided there's enough time before your deadline; if you give me less than two months' lead-time, I will not be able to say yes). I'm particularly glad to boost indie authors, because I know this process is demoralizing enough when you're traditionally published and can make use of your publisher's contacts. Keep in mind, though, that I wouldn't dream of emailing a colleague to ask for a blurb if I hadn't read (and very much enjoyed) at least one of their books. (Also, Bones & All is the odd book out in my body of work, so if that's the only book of mine you're interested in, I'm not going to be as enthusiastic about reading yours. Please don't ask me to read your book if it's about or includes cannibalism.)
To give you an idea of how this relationship-building over time would ideally work: E.F. Schraeder emailed me a couple years ago to tell me how much she appreciated A Bright Clean Mind as a fellow vegan writer; awhile after that, she forwarded me a call for proposals for a conference she figured was very much in my wheelhouse (so thoughtful!); so when she got in touch again more recently to ask if I would read (and hopefully blurb) her novel, my answer was a whole-hearted YES. Again, building these literary acquaintanceships (and eventually friendships) takes time, intention, and integrity, and if you don't actually care about an author's work (see above tweets), you are not going to fool us into believing that you do.
I am truly a fan of your work. Can you recommend me to your literary agent?
Feel free to compare your work to mine in your query letter, but I don't feel comfortable honoring this type of request unless I already know you well. (I'm pretty much an outlier on my agent's list anyhow!) For advice on finding an agent, read author and agent Eric Smith's blog post A Beginner's Guide to Looking Up Literary Agents. (You can read my old but still useful advice here.)
In short:
Oftentimes "the right way to ask" is not to ask at all, because even a "quick," "no-pressure" request is energetically draining for me. The plain truth is that I've written this post so I don't have to feel guilty about not responding to random people asking me for favors.
If you are truly a fan of an author's work, you will respect the boundaries they set around their time and attention. The more we live by those limits, the sooner we'll be able to get another wonderful novel into your hands!
Creative Writing 101: Free Resources
My best writing advice sounds much like every other author's:
Read a lot—across multiple genres—and reflect on why and how the story "works" (or doesn't!) How, specifically, has the author managed to fashion characters you truly care about and root for? How do they establish a narrative pace that has momentum without feeling rushed? How have they furnished a world that feels fresh and vivid? What elements have they used in developing a plot that offers both surprise and a satisfying sense of inevitability?
Notice how your personal taste is developing, and consider how your reading choices will inevitably influence your own writing—indeed, be deliberate about this! Keep a private notebook. Cultivate your emotional intelligence and self awareness, because your personal growth work will allow you to develop themes that truly resonate and characters who are (in a sense) just as real as nonfictional people.
Be discerning. Even a wise and experienced writing instructor may offer advice that does not apply to your chosen genre/subgenre or style, or is not in alignment with your creative vision. That said, you must cultivate enough humility to know when you're intelligently breaking the rules and when you're just being arrogant. Do not convince yourself of your own genius. You will never "arrive" at a place beyond all error and frustration. Even the most critically successful authors are continually seeking to refine their craft. You're going to feel ecstatic when you write something that seems utterly brilliant and unprecedented, but put the draft away and reread it after the high's worn off, and you'll see how much work you've yet to do. Don't waste energy feeling foolish though—because this is the process. Some days writing and revising will feel hard, and that's okay. Look for ways to take more pleasure in it.
One more note before we get to the resource links:
You don't need an M.F.A. Though depending on the type of program and financial aid available, you may find it worthwhile. I'm glad I decided to do an M.A. in Writing at NUI Galway because 1, I only had to take out $15k in student loans (which I was able to pay back with the sale of my first novel); 2, it gave me the time and space to hone my craft and complete my manuscript (faster than if I'd stayed at my NYC day job); 3, it exposed me to powerful literary influences (Kate O'Brien in particular); and 4, I met some of my dearest writing pals and 16+ years later we're still cheering each other on. Keep in mind, though, that this was MY experience. I can't promise you'll have a worthwhile experience even if you're accepted into the same program.
The following resources are a mix of craft talk and philosophy that I find insightful. Perspective, style, and approach vary quite a bit. Please leave questions or recommendations in the comments for the benefit of other aspiring writers, and I'll periodically update this list with your suggestions. 🤓
Podcasts
The good folks at the Writing Excuses podcast devoted an entire season to learning the craft from square one.
N.K. Jemisin’s master class in world building | The Ezra Klein Show
YouTube
Ingrid's Notes: How to Teach Yourself Creative Writing, The #1 Piece of Writing Advice I Ever Received, How to Discover Your Heart Theme, 11 Beats of Story Structure, What is Profluence?, and more
Brandon Sanderson: Ten Things I Wish I'd Known as a Teen Author, Five Tips for Writing Your First Novel, and plenty of full-length lectures
Alexa Donne, HARSH WRITING ADVICE! (mostly for newer writers) [snarky but spot on], The WORST Amateur Writing Mistakes, and more
Blog Posts, Articles, PDFs, and Transcripts
The Marginalian (formerly known as Brain Pickings), Timeless Advice on Writing: The Collected Wisdom of Great Writers; James Baldwin on the Creative Process and the Artist’s Responsibility to Society
Heather Demetrios, How to Write a Bingeable Chapter, Sports Psychology for Writers, and everything else on her blog
Matthew Salesses, On Worldbuilding and the Question of Resistance
Nalo Hopkinson and Connie Willis, Science and Spirituality in Science Fiction (transcript of an authors' event at MIT, March 6, 2000)
The Literary Ladies Guide: Octavia Butler's Rules for Writers; Writing Advice from Classic Authors (blog category)
The Best Writing Advice from Colson Whitehead's 60 Minutes Interview on Lit Hub
The Snowflake Method for Designing a Novel (I haven't used this method, but the suggested structure-building exercises are very sensible)
Multimedia
Books (ask for these titles at your local library)
Craft in the Real World by Matthew Salesses (doesn't matter if you're not currently participating in a writing workshop)
Writing the Other by Nisi Shawl and Cynthia Ward
The Heroine's Journey by Gail Carriger
Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg
Creativity and Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott (I don't love this book as much as I did when I first read it twenty years ago—parts of it haven't aged well—but I still believe it's a must read)
When you're ready: paid workshops that are totally worth the investment
I have taken classes hosted by these organizations and have learned a lot from all of them. Scholarships are sometimes available. If nothing on the current course schedule interests you, sign up for their mailing lists for future workshop announcements.
[My friend Henry Lien teaches fantastic workshops for both these organizations. Here's his current schedule. Sign up for his newsletter here.]
I also highly recommend my friend Heather Demetrios's classes (Writing Bingeable Characters, etc.) and one-on-one coaching packages. Her self-guided introductory writing course, Unlock Your Novel: A Workbook For Getting Unstuck at Any Drafting Stage, is only $25.
I trust this list will keep you happily occupied for a good while! Check out my archive page for even more resources, and be sure to leave a comment with your own suggestions. ⬇️
The Power of Private Writing is LIVE!
This free workshop is for email subscribers, so sign on up if you haven't already and you'll get the links in your welcome email! 🙌
How to Work With Me (if You Can't Afford to Work With Me)
Inspired by Rachael Rice's question,
“Can we imagine the impact of our work beyond those who can afford it?”,
I offer a clear progression as to how any aspiring writer (or other creative person) can benefit from my experience:
Watch the Life Without Envy mini-workshop and read the essays I've posted on Medium (links are on my Archive page.)
If that content resonates for you, sign up for my mailing list so you'll get access to my free resource library. Watch the The Power of Private Writing and do the prompts. Also be sure to check out the Life Without Envy mini-workbook inside the resource library—the success-to-satisfaction paradigm shift is particularly important.
Ask for Life Without Envy and A Bright Clean Mind at your local library. (Depending on the library, some librarians are able to order books that patrons have requested for the collection.)
By now, you probably have at least a few questions percolating. Ask as many of them as you like, and I'll make one or more videos especially for you as part of my office-hours series. [EDIT, January 2024: I am still on YouTube/social media hiatus, but your question will be waiting for me when I come back!]
Watch the video(s) I've made to answer your question(s), and ask any follow-up questions you may have.
At any point in this progression, you can DM me on Instagram or Twitter or send me an email to introduce yourself; I will be very happy to connect with you, I just ask that you respect my time and psychic energy by refraining from asking me to read your manuscript (which is something I don't even do for paid coaching clients before we've established a rapport) or writing emails that require a long private reply (like many folks these days, my email inbox is a source of anxiety for me, so relatively quick messages are the way to go).
As a white woman from a middle-class background who has sometimes been "broke" but will never be "poor," I also ask that my fellow white writers take some time, in general, to reflect on what they truly can and cannot "afford." I want to practice generosity in sharing my experience with everyone, but I am also trying to avoid being taken advantage of (which has happened more than once, alas, and usually with people who could have afforded to compensate me for my time and insight).
Over the next few years, I'm looking to develop a free group mentoring program for aspiring writers from marginalized communities, and if that sounds like something you'd love to be a part of, then get started now! And if you feel so inspired, I'd love it if you shared my free resources with any friends or colleagues who would find them useful. Thank you, and I hope we'll be in touch soon. 🙏💕
Emotional Hygiene Resources for Writers (and Everyone!)
If the title of this blog post caught your attention, then you probably already understand that your emotional wellbeing is the bedrock of your creative practice. Not only are you not capable of your best work while you're in "hot-mess" mode, your unexamined, unmanaged emotions may very well be creating a more stressful environment for your loved ones, friends, and colleagues. I've been the daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend foisting her toxic storm of feelings onto her loved ones, and it's high time I shared what I've learned about emotional hygiene since Life Without Envy came out in 2016.
More recently (in May 2019) I made a video as part of a Life Without Envy web workshop on YouTube, and the recommendations in that video are still good. I've gone deeper into my private writing practice since then, though, and I have one daily prompt to share that will hopefully be as big a game-changer for you as it has been for me (it's at the end of this post).
Quick disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, merely a fellow artist committed to taking responsibility for her emotional wellbeing and developing her emotional intelligence.
More on YouTube
Guy Winch’s TEDx talk, Why we all need to practice emotional first aid
Dr. Abdul Saad's Self-Transformation Series [I really appreciate his pleasantly neutral presence and delivery—it makes the concepts he's sharing much easier to grasp]
Clean vs. Dirty Pain and other videos from Therapy in a Nutshell [this channel is very helpful, just beware there's occasional religiosity]
How to Feel Peace Even with Challenges, Leslie Huddart
What can I give?, Taking responsibility for our own happiness, and other videos from Ralph de la Rosa
My favorite yoga teachers on YouTube: Koya Webb (highly recommend Yoga for Anxiety and Stress Relief), Kino MacGregor, Yoga with Adriene, Erica Rascon
Read on the web
An excerpt from Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now
7 Ways to Practice Emotional First Aid [also Guy Winch]
Byron Katie [There are free downloadable worksheets on her site, though you don't necessarily need to fill them out; for me the key takeaway is to ask after every judgmental or otherwise negative thought you have, "Is that true?" Because it's usually not.]
Heather Demetrios, Halting Your Thought Traffic and Hold Your Seat [+ her whole blog!]
Books
[Full disclosure: I'm using Bookshop.org affiliate links.]
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now and A New Earth
Guy Winch, Emotional First Aid [I recorded an excerpt here]
Joe Dispenza's Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
Pema Chödrön's Comfortable With Uncertainty
Trevor Blake's Three Simple Steps
Dr. Eric Maisel's Coaching the Artist Within and Mastering Creative Anxiety
Lauren Sapala's The INFJ Revolution [I'm an INFP and I still felt like Lauren was reading my soul!]
And the daily practice that has helped me most:
Since last spring, the first thing I do each day (after going to the bathroom and brewing coffee) is to write down how I'm feeling and why—and if I don't know why, I keep writing until I have some semblance of an answer. And if I find myself feeling grumpy or frustrated during the day, I pause whatever I'm doing, go back to my journal, and ask the two questions again:
What am I feeling right now?
Why am I feeling it?
I didn't really learn this from anyone, it just occurred to me one day that it would be beneficial to articulate my emotions in real time, and I noticed soon afterward that I was much less reactive. I'm also much more patient with myself and others—there have been several occasions over these past eight months when I paused and thought, Before, I would have snapped. Owing to a few unfortunate episodes in my early childhood (flagged "TMI" in the context of this post), my "pain body" is activated when I feel invisible in social situations, so (for me, at least) it's the "self witnessing," "self validating" aspect of the exercise that has resulted in this shift. I articulate my emotions without attaching a sense of "rightness" to them, remaining as lovingly neutral as it is possible for me to be in that particular moment.
I hope at least one of these resources offers you some relief from the COVID pressure cooker (in addition to all the "usual" stresses of life). I'll add to this list whenever I encounter more helpful content. If you have any favorite books or links to share, I would be grateful if you left a comment. [And a big shout-out to Rachel for inspiring this post!]
Sign up for more where this came from
My new opt-in goodie is a concise 35-minute private writing workshop video + workbook. (How is "private writing" different from journaling? Watch this.) If you found this post helpful and want more, sign up for my list and you'll receive the link in your welcome email.
Comet Party Summer School: the Vision Statement
What are the two most powerful words in this or any language?
I am.
I’ve been thinking about this ever since Jill Louise Busby dropped me a DM after reading Life Without Envy. Thank you for being a vessel, she wrote.
I am a vessel, I thought. I said it out loud. And the more I said it, the righter it felt.
In the beginning, I only wanted to tell stories. I wanted to be clever and I wanted to be recognized for my cleverness. The other day I cracked a journal I kept in 2007, scanned one entry, and felt a sweet surge of relief that I am not that person anymore. (This is why I keep my notebooks.)
The evolution out of a desire to prove oneself into a desire to contribute is the central tenet of Life Without Envy, and for me that first twinkling happened in the summer and early autumn of 2010 when I volunteered on my friends’ homestead farm in Vermont. I have never been quite so content as I was those days I spent planting and weeding and watering, sleeping in a platform tent, rising before six to watch the sun coming up over the treeline as the fog withdrew from the rolling meadow before me. Best of all were the people: Gail and Paul and their neighbors, their daughters, and my fellow volunteers. That summer we all felt like Gail and Paul’s brood. Nature + making myself useful + community as close as family, that’s all I need to be happy.
The meadow at Harmony Homestead Farm.
My experiences at Sadhana Forest and Squam Art Workshops the following year brought the new desire into focus: more nature, more community, plus ethical veganism, art, and handicrafts. At Sadhana Forest I helped with meal planning and prep for something like 35 to 45 people, and I became my grandmother’s granddaughter (more fully than ever before) even though the cuisine couldn’t have been more different than the lasagnas and salmon loaf of my childhood: food is one of my love languages. It’s how I love my family and friends, it’s how I love myself, and it’s how I express care and concern for people I don’t know all that well yet. And I loved the feeling of being at sleep-away camp and making beautiful things alongside new friends who had also come to make beautiful things and bask in the tranquility of Squam Lake.
I thought of how one of my grade-school friends had gone to music camp every summer; I remembered the name of the organization, so I Googled it, curious as to how much it cost. Well, I don’t know how much it was back in 1995, but in 2013 it was $8,000 for a six-week program. I started to think, wouldn’t it be great if kids (whose parents could never afford a typical sleep-away camp) could have an experience like Squam? And what about kids who didn’t have parents to come home to?
I’ve been to Squam many times now—as student, teacher, and staff—and each time it bothered me how white and upper-middle-class we were as a group. More recently, Elizabeth has done a wonderful job of highlighting and supporting the work of artists, artisans, and teachers of color, but the economic inequities remain; I’m sure many knitters would love to spend four days taking classes at a lakeside cabin but will likely never have that $1,400 to spare.
On one trip I stopped at the general store in Holderness and found a rack of greeting cards with quotes attributed to Rumi: “Live your life as if the universe is rigged in your favor…because it is.” I had a flashback to a church my family and I visited above Lake Kivu in Rwanda, where 11,000 people were murdered during the genocide. Slavery, lynchings, civilian casualties. I felt this fury any time somebody brought up the Law of Attraction. The universe is rigged in your favor: this was a message appropriated by and intended solely for privileged white women like me.
I met Rachael Rice at Squam in 2014, and I referenced her excellent blog post in Email Marketing and "Authenticity," but the message is too important not to share again here:
“Can we imagine the impact of our work beyond those who can afford it?”
Nowadays the summer camp in my mind is primarily for grownups—at least to start with—purely for logistical reasons. During quiet afternoons at the Providence Athenaeum I would dream of a library in the forest with cozy carrels where writers of all stripes and sensibilities could focus on their manuscripts. Everyone would see themselves represented on the shelves in this library. Attendees who could afford to pay for their retreat-time would subsidize those who could not; or maybe it would be a pay-what-you-can model? Filling vegan lunches packed with care, just like the ones that fueled the Bones & All revision at Hawthornden. Childcare. Hammocks and more hammocks, hammocks everywhere, and a home-sewn quilt on every bed. Writing workshops, painting and drumming workshops, workshops on foraging and herbalism and anything else people want to learn about. Safe spaces for members of marginalized communities to come together (“safe” meaning that every soul in the place understands why “no white people in this room for the next two hours” is not racist). A food forest. A swimming pool. Campfires and jam sessions. Tiny houses, perhaps—though after reading Sunaura Taylor’s wonderful book Beasts of Burden, these spaces I was dreaming of became ADA-compliant. And because white saviorism is something else I’ve been thinking about a lot, I saw myself asking, What do you actually want and need? How can I help make it happen and then leave you to use and enjoy it?
Every day—up until just a few months ago—I’d been asking myself, how the heck am I going to get from here—making next to no money off my writing at the moment, without much saved—to there, that pretty plot of acres with architectural blueprints in hand?
I’m not sure what’s shifted, exactly, I just know that I don’t need a bridge, I AM the bridge. I’ll bring this retreat into being one plank at a time. The workshops? I can make those happen now. That’s why I wanted to publish this post on the day I launch The Bright Idea Kit and finally hang my shingle as a writing coach. The course is a $200 investment and coaching is $100 an hour, perhaps a tad ironic given the vision I’ve just shared with you, but I’ve poured all of my twenty years of experience into this class and I’m feeling confident that it’s going to catalyze a lot of creative awakenings. In terms of walking my talk, I am making myself informally available for aspiring writers who can use the mentorship, and I’ll allot more bandwidth (creating an actual program, perhaps?) as I get myself sorted financially. I'll also be hosting free workshops starting later on in 2021 (first up: the power and potential of private writing!)
I see myself—white hair, liver-spotted hands—working away in one of those carrels. I am a writer. But my greater work for this lifetime is to “take up space” by holding space for others, to create a warm, welcoming retreat and inhabit it for the rest of my life without ever claiming it as mine.
If you’d like to be a part of this community (virtually for now and eventually IRL), you can join my mailing list to watch it all unfold and participate as much as you feel like. Thank you for reading this, and I wish you a healthy, joyful, and fulfilling 2021! ✨
EDIT: Adding the link to Be Seen Project founder Mindy Tsonas Choi's relevant and insightful piece from March 2021, "The Cost of Selling Belonging."
Provisional Confidence is LIVE!
My first online course, Provisional Confidence for Writers, is now live on Teachable! I explain the genesis in this three-minute YouTube video. A few notes on this and future offerings:
There will be more where this came from—the Bright Idea Kit, which is a more in-depth course on generating "original" ideas—and you can check out the workbook preview (inside my new resource library) by signing up for my newsletter.
"Too much useful content" is a splendid problem to have, but I don't want to contribute to anyone's feeling of overwhelm. Every course or webinar I put together will be something that feels necessary—something my readers have asked for. (Comment on this post if you have a request!)
I'm working on making my course materials as accessible as possible: accurate closed-captioning, transcripts in a sans serif font, etc. (I did use a serif font in my worksheets, but I'll be using sans serif from now on—once I've finished The Bright Idea Kit I'll circle back and re-design the Provisional Confidence worksheets.)
I will not show up in your inbox every day for a week because consumer psychology dictates that you will be more likely to purchase the course (it annoys the snot out of me when people do this!) I sent out an email announcement, I will do at least one Instagram promotion, and then (as usual) I'll be on to the next thing.
Here are the three goals I set for 2020:
Put out my first online course (because I have been talking about this for at least three years. IT'S TIME!)
Write 200 messy pages of the new [time-travel!] novel.
Publish a manifesta envisioning the retreat center I intend to create (hence the name "Comet Party Summer School").
At first I figured I'd publish Provisional Confidence and get back to novel-writing, saving the Bright Idea Kit for 2021, but I think I can put out a second course and get that messy first section of the manuscript drafted. Let's see if I can deliver on the Bright Idea Kit in time for Preptober and bang out my pages during NaNoWriMo (that's "National Novel-Writing Month" for the uninitiated, "Preptober" being the outlining and such that happens during the month of October).Oh, and did I mention the online seminar I'm developing for all the vegans who've told me that A Bright Clean Mind isn't for them because they're "not creative"?! Somehow this will all get done in between working the best day job I have ever had!Big love to my friends Neil Kramer, Nova Ren Suma, Dr. Giavanni Washington, Elizabeth Duvivier, Heather Demetrios, Rebecca Mahoney, Chantal Schreiber, McCormick Templeman, Joelle Renstrom, Jason Atkins, Erin Callahan, and Steve Saranga for inspiring me to get this thing DONE and out into the world! 💕💕
A Bright Clean Mind Corrections and Clarifications (Please Comment Below!)
My new book on veganism and creativity will be out in the world very shortly, and as I line up promotional whatnots I've been thinking a lot about something author Maya Gottfried said in our conversation that appears on pages 226-229:
Even as vegans we’re not perfect—a book we write that’s totally vegan may not be reflective of other values we develop in the future, and it’s always going to be that way. We just have to acknowledge that things have changed and move on from there.
I have made mistakes in this book—I have no doubt of it!—but at a certain point a writer has to know when to let go. I'm publishing this post to acknowledge the issues I've already spotted (and will add to this as needed), and also to create a space for readers to articulate any questions or concerns they may have. If you have any constructive feedback to offer, I prefer that you offer it here, publicly, so that other readers can benefit from your perspective and reply with any reactions you may inspire. (Please note that I will not approve or respond to any anti-vegan defensiveness, no matter how subtly you manage to articulate your hostility. Arguing with you is not a productive use of my time.) Thank you in advance for your input!
Future "transparency reports" will serve a different function: reporting the amounts I've been able to donate to animal rights and vegan social/food justice organizations (20% total from each royalty check, a different charity or charities each time).
[Update, Fall 2022: unfortunately I still don't have any earnings to report, but I remain optimistic that this book will eventually find a broader audience!]
If you've arrived at this page because I have referenced your work in A Bright Clean Mind—whether you are vegan or "future-vegan"—I would be glad to send you a copy. Email me with your address.
Now on to the corrections and clarifications:
A Note on the Illustrations
I am not happy with the print quality—it does not do right by the artists—but there is nothing I can do about this beyond requiring a QC safeguard in all future publishing contracts for illustrated books.
Recalibrating Your Language
I ought to have included the singular “they” in this callout. My apologies for the cisgender brain blip!
FOMO or Faux Moo?
After I turned in the manuscript I found out that according to the Food Empowerment Project, FoMu does not use Fair-Trade chocolate. (If you click here you’ll see them listed under “Cannot recommend but at least responded”). I decided not to cut the chapter because I believe the message outweighs my embarrassing hypocrisy. I emailed the owners to ask for an explanation, but they never replied.
To Learn Something is to Lose Something
I am disgusted by J.K. Rowling's transphobia and will be rewriting this chapter in the event of a revised edition.
Jane O'Hara
When you check out Jane O'Hara's Sacrifice on page 109 (click here to see it properly), do note that her Instagram handle is now @janeoharaprojects.
Where's Wilbur?
It didn't make sense to mention this within the chapter (it would fall under "TMI" even as a postscript), but I would like to clarify that after I wrote it Chrissy and I decided we'd both be happier not being friends, and as a result I am no longer volunteering at either Maple Farm Sanctuary or Unity Sanctuary. To the best of my recollection I volunteered four or five times total, which isn't much, I know, but I hope to volunteer again at these or other farm animal sanctuaries when I eventually have my own car (getting there by public transportation just isn’t realistic, alas).
"Vegan for the Future"
I'm embarrassed to have drawn upon Shaw's exploration of Nietzsche's Übermensch without acknowledging the eugenics connection. This failure is inexcusable, and of all the items on this list it's the revision I'm most anxious to make.
Also, my friend Steve tells me "vegan for the future" does not make sense given the animal-centered definition of veganism, but I don't see why I can't be "vegan for the future" as long as I am also for animal rights. (Otherwise, yes, one would be eating a plant-based diet as "an environmentalist for the future.")
The Back Cover
Especially-careful readers will note that sixteen vegan artists have been interviewed in this book, not fifteen. We caught the error too late not to delay printing, but it will be corrected in the event of a reprint.
Clever, Lovely, and Absolutely Thrilling
Here is a collection of kind things readers and reviewers have said about my books over the years. I made this for a Youtube video I'm working on called "How to Write a Book Worth Reading" (there'll be a text version on Medium as well), and this is my cred. (I may frame it for those inevitable days when I don't feel so confident!)
A Bright Clean Mind preorder bonus!
Oh, hello! I've had a knitting-and-sewing post sitting almost-finished in my draft folder for ages, and I will get to that soon—in the meantime here's an excerpt from and fun little preorder bonus for my next book, A Bright Clean Mind: Veganism for Creative Transformation:
A Forest on My Shoulders
Oh, hello! It's been a long time since I've blogged about a craft project, so I do have a bit of a backlog. (Also, how wild is it that this blog is over TEN YEARS OLD?!?) There's a chapter in my next book about making my own clothes, so I really needed a good pic of my most recent FO: a lace shawl in Vegan Yarn Albireo, a fingering-weight blend of bamboo and organic cotton. The color thrills me to the bottom of my soul!
My friend Dan and I spent the day in Newport recently, and he was kind enough to take these photos on the cliff walk. Newport is one of those places you've got to admit is deservedly touristy. We did a lot of browsing in the shops (including an antiques mall in an old armory), paused for a round of delicious cocktails, drove by the Newport mansions on Ocean Drive, and wept and gnashed our teeth when we discovered a local vegan restaurant had closed.
I used to think shawls were old fashioned in a way that wouldn't work for me, but after seeing so many beautiful ones at Squam and online over the years, I eventually changed my mind. I wanted a garment I could feel embraced by, and I don't care if that sounds corny. A shawl is perfect for a cool summer evening, and in the fall and winter you can wear it more like a scarf.
A few project notes: I don't necessarily recommend the pattern I used even though it's a nice mix of easy lace and even easier garter, because if you're going to charge for a pattern like this (and you should, don't get me wrong), you need to include stitch counts. That's just basic. Thank goodness another Raveler took the time to count and write them out! And of course, the yarn was an absolute dream from start to finish. (I adore Heidi so much I've interviewed her for A Bright Clean Mind.) For full details, see my Ravelry project page.
Still need to identify this plant! [Edit: a kind reader informed me that it is Canadian goldenrod.]
Alec's Favorite Vegan Recipes
Readers of The Boy From Tomorrow will notice that Alec and his mother are newly vegan—as Mrs. Frost says, "if you have to make two major life changes, you may as well make three." So here's a recipe round-up! Some dishes are mentioned in the novel, and others are just recipes I imagine Alec and Danny would enjoy as much as I do.
Weekend Breakfast
Pumpkin pie pancakes from Robin Robertson's Vegan Planet
Fruit salad: banana, pineapple, mango, strawberries, blueberries, with whipped coconut cream (GF)
Chickpea-Flour Omelette (with tomato and red onion) with tempeh bacon and hash brown haystacks (GF)
Weekday Lunch
On a sandwich: "chuna" salad, tofu "egg" salad, peanut or almond butter and fig jam, or Tofurky deli slices with lettuce and tomato (to make GF, omit deli slices and use gluten-free bread)
Carrots with hummus; a banana or apple; and a leftover cookie! (see below) (GF)
Dinner
Tater-tot casserole (it's healthier than it sounds, especially with a side salad) (GF)
Pizza from scratch (with marinara, caramelized onions, pre-sauteéd mini-bella mushrooms and broccoli rabe, and tofu ricotta)
Macaroni 'n cheese (add peas, chopped tomatoes, and/or broccoli to make it healthier) (to make GF, use gluten-free pasta and breadcrumbs)
Classic chili with cashew sour cream and cornbread (GF if using gluten-free flour in the cornbread)
Snacks
Baba ganoush with pita chips (dip is GF)
Banana-peanut butter smoothie: frozen over-ripe bananas, peanut butter, cinnamon, vanilla powder, almond milk (GF)
Desserts
Lavender-chocolate cupcakes (using maple syrup instead of honey) (GF)
Gingerbread People (GF)
Mrs. Frost's Veggie Chili
Does the Internet need another recipe for veggie chili? NOPE! But I’m planning a kid-friendly vegan recipe round-up as part of my resources for The Boy From Tomorrow, and I figured it would be better to tell you exactly how I make it rather than linking to some recipe I’ve never actually tried. This chili is as minimalist as I can make it, mild while still flavorful; I don’t use a spice mix, just chili powder and cumin with a pinch of cayenne. It’s basically the chili of my childhood with soy crumbles instead of ground beef, and in this version, there’s enough salt in the (store-bought) veggie broth that you don’t have to add any. If you’re skipping the soy crumbles, add another tin of beans or a cup of green lentils (which will require extra water).
Serve with Gena Hamshaw’s no-fuss cornbread recipe. Simple cashew sour cream recipe to follow.
Vegan Chili
2 tbsp. olive oil
1 tbsp. minced garlic
2 onions, diced
1 ½ tsp. chili pepper (or to taste)
2 tsp. ground cumin (or to taste)
pinch (or more) cayenne pepper
2 large potatoes, diced
4 cups veggie broth
2 bell peppers, diced
2 15.5-oz. cans of beans (black and kidney, but any kind will do)
1 large can (28 oz.) of crushed tomatoes
1 6-oz. can tomato paste
1 package soy mince crumbles (I use Light Life)
Sauté garlic and onions in olive oil until translucent, adding spices and stirring well. Add chopped potatoes and continue cooking. When potatoes have softened, add the veggie broth followed by the rest of the ingredients, and simmer for a good while. The more times you reheat the pot, the tastier the chili will be! Serves 8-10.
Cashew Sour Cream
This recipe is tweaked from DIY Vegan by Nicole Axworthy and Lisa Pitman (they offer the garlic and mustard as a suggestion for extra zing, but I say these ingredients are essential; add even more if you want!)
1 ½ cups raw cashew pieces, soaked in hot water (the longer they soak, the less you’ll need to process them)
2 tbsp. lemon juice
2 tsp. apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp. minced garlic
1 tbsp. mustard
½ tsp. salt
Drain soaked cashews, preserving ½ cup of the liquid, and blend well, adding remaining ingredients. Chill in the fridge for at least an hour to let the “cream” firm up, and the flavors mingle. Yields a full pint jar and is also delicious on baked potatoes.
Compassionate Creativity Beta Coaching FAQ
When I announced that I'd be offering a creativity coaching beta program early next year, several lovely people replied to communicate their interest. I'm going to keep this group small so I can give you more bandwidth, and so that you guys can actively learn from and inspire each other. Here's what you can expect from this six-week program beginning Monday, January 8th:
weekly presentations followed by Q&A and informal group discussion (75-90 minutes total; if you can't attend live, you can watch the replay any time)
fun assignments to integrate each module, usually a combination of journaling exercises, worksheets, and trying something new (in or outside the kitchen)
Recipe roundups based on you and your family's preferences and needs, meal planning resources, and personalized suggested reading lists
a private Facebook group to make it easy to share questions, experiences, and resources with your cohort
Now it's time to tell you "the catch"—it's the awesomest catch ever, though. In order to participate in this six-week program, I'll ask you to commit to a vegan diet (or as close to it as you possibly can) for the duration. I experienced the most amazing boost in productivity that has continued uninterrupted since the day I went vegan (going on seven years ago), so I can tell you that adopting a more compassionate diet will enhance your creative output and outlook big time.
Got questions?
What does my diet have to do with my creativity?
Apply to the program and find out! Seriously, though, I'll explain this in my first presentation. In the meantime, read this post and watch this video of slam poet Saul Williams explaining why he required his students at Stanford to eat vegetarian for the semester.
I'm really interested in trying out a plant-based diet, but what happens if I cave and eat a slice of my mother's meatloaf? Will you kick me out of the program?
I will not. Let me tell you about my friend Teri, who set a goal of eating vegan during the week we spent at Rockywold-Deephaven Camps on Squam Lake in New Hampshire, eating three meals a day in the dining hall. At one point she articulated that she was so tempted by the macaroons on the dessert table (which were made with egg whites) she didn't think she'd be able to resist, and I said, "If it's between eating the macaroon, feeling guilty, then going back to eating meat and dairy, and eating the macaroon and returning to eating vegan at breakfast tomorrow, then go for option #2." I haven't felt a single craving for non-vegan food since I stopped eating eggs and dairy almost seven years ago, but I do understand that for many people, "weaning" oneself off animal products is the more sustainable method. I simply ask that you make a good-faith effort. I'll provide you with all the resources and support you need (unless you need official nutritional or medical advice, which I am not qualified to give you, though I can refer you to someone who is.)
Can't I just try Meatless Mondays, to start with?
I totally acknowledge that going vegan won't be as seamless a transition for everyone as it was for me. That said, it is much too easy to bolster our current habits and worldview with a framework of self-reinforcing excuses. I'm looking for a six-week good-faith commitment from you. If you embarked on a new relationship, you probably wouldn't say, "but I can date other people while you're at your bowling league on Wednesday nights, right?" If you started an exercise regimen, you wouldn't work out once or twice a week and sit on the sofa eating junk food all the other nights, would you?
If you're feeling more stressed than excited at the prospect of going plant based, then it's probably safe to say you're not ready for this. Don't worry, I will offer some version of this program again, and in the meantime, remember that every resource you could ever need is literally at your fingertips. Google "vegan 101" or "easy vegan recipes." When you throw up your hands and say "this is just too complicated," notice how you are buying into one of the narratives of mainstream carnist culture. The livestock, dairy, and pharmaceutical industries profit from you eating the same foods you always have.
This program sounds like a lot of work for you. Why is it free?
I received a vegan lifestyle coach certification back in 2013, but for the past four-plus years I've been focused on book projects. Now I'm finally ready to move into this new phase of my professional life! By participating in this beta program, you're helping me hone my content for future (paid) programs as well as a book I'm writing about veganism and creativity. Some testimonials will be nice to have, too!
I'm already vegan. Can I still participate? Yes! While this program is geared toward making veganism feel do-able for (current) omnivores by exploring the creative benefits of compassionate eating, it'll still be helpful for current vegans in terms of moving through creative blocks, creating a solid foundation for a new artistic practice, or adding another dimension to your animal-rights advocacy work. And your knowledge and insight will prove invaluable to everyone else in the program.
Want in? Look for the application link in the email update I'll be sending on Monday morning (December 11th).
Email Marketing and "Authenticity"
The notion of marketing myself and my work really squicks me out. I regularly entertain fantasies of reverting to my dumbphone, dismantling my website, and living in a cabin in the woods with a kitchen garden and a 19th-century water pump. No more social media. If you find my work, great; if not, oh well, it wasn't meant to be. I don't need to be a bestselling author, somebody with "clout"—it only matters that I'm using what I've been given in a way that feels authentic....Right?
This mindset is problematic for several reasons. First, of course, it espouses a sort of reverse-snobbery, as if every person making a living using social media has had to "sell out" for the privilege of working at home in their pajamas whenever they feel like it. Sure, lots of people have sold out. But there are also plenty of people who are using new platforms and technologies to share a useful and inspiring message, and we discount their efforts when we point only to those who are using manipulative marketing techniques to sell and up-sell their coaching packages, online courses, et cetera.
Secondly, it is very possible to skip out on undertaking one's Scary-Big Work under the guise of humility. That is essentially what I am doing when I say I don't want to collect anybody's email addresses, I don't want to network, I don't want to promote or sell something people don't want or need. Not only am I "playing small," but I am preemptively dropping out on those who could actually benefit from my experience and insight—and that includes people who haven't been born yet.
I can talk about not hiding my light under a bushel, but I'm only one of many people I poop out on when I engage in cowardice-masquerading-as-modesty. This is not the same kind of pretension you see in Facebook and Instagram ads in which entrepreneurs brag about making a six- or seven-figure income online—creating an enviable persona to get people to sign up in hopes of getting what they think you've got—but it is a pretension nonetheless.
So enough of all that. I'm giving myself permission to state my desires, loud and clear:
I want to inspire people to grow into the most fulfilled, most vibrant, most loving versions of themselves.
I want to help my students expand their capabilities: their literacy, their creativity, their compassion for all creatures.
I want to cultivate joy in the hearts of everyone I meet, in person and online.
And yes, I want to make a comfortable* living doing it—every cent exceeding "comfortable" funneled directly into hands-on philanthropic projects. As artist and creative consultant Rachael Rice writes, "Can we imagine the impact of our work beyond those who can afford it?"**
That is my dream. And to live my way into it, I'll need to use the Internet with integrity (which I already know how to do!) and without false humility (which I shall continue to work on!) So—gulp!—I've started an email list. To sign up, just click here (although there is also a neat little link at the tippy-top left corner of this page). I'll send you updates roughly once a month—with new-book news, of course, but also scrummy vegan recipes and practical advice on rejuvenating your creativity. Over time there will be an expanding emphasis on social, animal, and environmental justice projects—and if that sounds heavy, well, you can choose not to look at it that way. I believe that everything we do in this life, we must do for one (or ideally both) of the following reasons:
To be happy [provided it's not at someone else's expense; eating bacon most definitely does not qualify.]
To grow into ever-more-loving versions of ourselves [see above!]***
To clarify, this isn't the same as subscribing to blog updates (but thank you very much for signing up for those!) Newsletter content is pretty fresh, meaning that you won't find much of it elsewhere on Comet Party. I won't be reposting the recipes I share in my emails, though some of them will appear in books (!!) later on. Even more exciting, next year when I start taking on beta coaching clients (probably five max), it's the list I'll be looking to—because if I'm going to work with someone for free in exchange for critical feedback (and hopefully a testimonial), those five have to be people who already appreciate and support my work! (And you'll hear all about the aforementioned philanthropic projects when the time is right.)
Thanks so much for reading this, everyone, and big love to my brilliant friends Dr. Giavanni Washington and Joelle Renstrom for helping me through this evolution (and to Elizabeth Johnston for lighting a fire under my desk chair).
A post shared by Camille DeAngelis (@cometparty) on Aug 25, 2017 at 4:30pm PDT
* I define "comfortable" as enough to cover basic living expenses, occasional domestic and (backpacker-style) international travel for work and adventure, and regular contributions to a retirement fund (not that I see myself retiring EVER, but you never know what might happen in the future. Gotta be prepared!)
** I had my ideas (and some very rough plans) in place years before reading that blog post—inspired by my experiences in India and Vermont and at Yaddo and Hawthornden—but Rachael distills my motivations more directly than I have yet been brave enough to do.
*** After writing out these two basic reasons-for-living, it occurred to me that I have simply reformulated the Golden Rule. Yessssssss!
Squam Fall 2017
I've been home from Squam for a week and a half, but I am still totally basking in the afterglow.
A post shared by Camille DeAngelis (@cometparty) on Sep 10, 2017 at 2:26pm PDT
I was on the support staff full time this go-around, but there was time each day to go for a swim. The weather was glorious. G-L-O-R-I-O-U-S. I have never gotten to spend this much time in the lake—swimming every single day apart from the Sunday we arrived—and I felt so very lucky for that. I did indeed sleep on that screened-in porch every night; I kept thinking the temperature would plummet (when I slept outside in Vermont at the end of September 2010 I remember shivering no matter how many layers I put on), but I was perfectly snug. From my pillow I could see the moon shining through the trees, and in the morning I opened my eyes to the rising sun glimmering on the water.Pine resin sticky in my crazy cropped hair; pond scum between my toes. Bliss, I tell you. BLISSSSSSSSSSSSS.
A post shared by Camille DeAngelis (@cometparty) on Sep 18, 2017 at 5:02am PDT
This was quite possibly the most special retreat since Elizabeth first started organizing them, because she announced after dinner on Friday evening that our friend Meg Fussell would be taking over as retreat director next year. You can read more on how that decision came about on the Squam Art Workshops blog. Meg is an utterly delightful human being. She has the magic combo of organizational prowess and social finesse one would need to rock this gig, and I'm so excited to watch her put her own stamp on the retreat and continue to expand our creative community. I expected to make myself useful (this was the first time I got to drive a golf cart, but it definitely won't be the last, heh!), celebrate with friends old (as in longstanding) and new, enjoy the lake and the woods and the loons and the stars like I always do—but I did not expect to feel quite so inspired or quite so loved by people I am only just getting to know. You're going to hear a lot about my new friend Dr. Giavanni Washington in the months to come: she is an intuitive percussive healer and coach who regularly hosts sacred circles and retreats for women of color in the LA area, but her work really is for everyone. I have no doubt that we have known each other many times before, but even so, it's kind of mind-boggling how quickly someone can become one of your dearest friends.
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There's a good bit more I could write—isn't there always?—but I'll just leave you with this. On Saturday night, across the road from the art fair, our friend Em Falconbridge was doing her doTERRA "oil fairy" goodness while her daughter Yindi was offering hand massages using said oils, and Giavanni set up her space for oracle card readings, all in the same warm inviting room.Yindi didn't have any "customers" yet, so I went over and asked for a massage. I told her that I used to do the same for my grandfather, and that I was definitely going to cry while she did it, and she was so sweet and kind to me. I am getting quite comfortable with crying in public, let me tell you. Afterward I asked her if she was taking tips, and she gave me this incredulous look—imagine "nooo!" said by a ten-year-old girl in the most adorable Australian accent.
It was healing, and I was grateful.
A post shared by Camille DeAngelis (@cometparty) on Sep 17, 2017 at 3:05pm PDT
Goodnight, Johnny Starr
I have put off writing this post for four weeks, because clicking "publish" on a blog post is a public announcement that one more person who loved me is gone from this world. It's selfish to grieve for that reason, but I don't care. He loved us for how we made him feel, too. And I could not possibly have felt any more loved.
On Friday, August 11th, my sweet, affectionate, hilarious grandfather ate lunch (at the rehab facility we hoped he'd soon be getting out of), closed his eyes for a nap, and did not wake up again. In the six months since our grandmother passed, he told us often that he was ready to go. That he could have suffered a heart attack in the middle of the night, slumped on the bathroom floor for who knows how long before his aide found him in the morning, just goes to show you how tough he was. At 92, for crying out loud!
On my last visit home before he died, I gave him a hand massage (when Kate and I were visiting together we'd do both hands at once) and, for the first time, asked if he'd like me to massage his feet as well. It makes me sad how embarrassed elderly people can be about the state of their toenails—who cares, right? you've been using the same pair of feet for how many decades?!—but he wanted a footrub too much to demur.
I was just about finished the first foot when his lunch arrived, and afterward he was drowsy so I let him sleep and promised I'd do his other foot the next day.
The next day, he slept all through my visit.
The day after that, I met my aunt and uncle at the rehab facility, and he napped through that visit, too, except he did this weird thing where he'd respond to people talking in the hall. "You don't mind if I sleep, do you? I'm sorry," he said at one point when he realized we were there, and we told him not to apologize, he could sleep all he wanted.
As we left I gave him a kiss on the forehead, and that was that. I never got to finish his footrub.
The two most important things to know about my grandfather were his playfulness and his devotion. Even after he retired, he always worked too hard mowing and shoveling and whatnot—he literally had a heart attack and lost consciousness in the garage one hot summer day. And when my grandmother became ill, he remembered his wedding vows. No matter what, he was not going to let her go into a nursing home. He took care of her—with help from home health aides most days—every single day for the rest of her life. My grandparents weren't up for attending Kate and Elliot's wedding back in February, but I recorded a mini-interview with them that we could play at the rehearsal dinner.
Me: What do you think of Elliot?
Grandmom: Oh, I think he's fantastic. Nobody better than him.
Me: Nobody better than him, right?
Grandmom: That's right. He's the best.
Me: The best of all men!
Grandmom: The men of all men! That's right.
Me: I know another great man. A good husband! What do you think about Elliot?
Grandpop:[through a mouthful of dinner] I think he's a very nice felshon. I'm in love with him!
I just think it is so adorable that he couldn't decide between "fellow" and "person" so he went with the portmanteau.
A post shared by Camille DeAngelis (@cometparty) on Jul 30, 2017 at 7:28am PDT
My aunt Kathy (who has done an AMAZING job of juggling finances and healthcare headaches for the past four years, bless her soul!) told me not too long ago that my grandfather's definition of success was to be able to save enough money to leave an inheritance to his children. By that measure (and others), he was absolutely a success. When I called him he sometimes used to say, "Didja make any money for me today?", which used to irritate me when I was out of print and flat-out broke, but eventually I realized I needed to lighten the hell up. So when he'd say, "Didja make any money for me today?", I'd reply, "Oh, yes. Potloads of money. Tomorrow I'm going to send you a check for a million dollars."
I've been thinking a lot about all that these past four weeks: what a good worker and saver he was, how devoted he was to the people he loved. I've been clinging to the notion that the best way to honor him right now is to work as hard as I can—and when I get paid for that work, to put a good bit of it aside for something bigger than my own keeping.
My grandfather showed me how to be a good-hearted human. So I will work hard. I will remember to laugh at myself. And I will always show my family how much I love them.
(See also: Hat for a Wise Man; Pizzelles!; The Big Sixty; In Memoriam.)